If something is not working for you either before quitting or after you’ve quit, when you’re trying to build your new life, don’t be afraid to dump it.
I’ll paraphrase something that Coco Chanel said, ‘Don’t keep beating your head against the wall, hoping it will change into a door.’ Doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for different results.
I think Einstein called this ‘the definition of insanity.’ Trying to do the same thing and repeat the same thing, over and over again, opting for a different outcome. It’s not going to happen.
You know I’ve given this example with my quitting smoking, where I tried what felt like a hundred times to quit and every single time I did, it was the same, I tried the same thing and then I’d do the same things afterwards and it wouldn’t be long before I was smoking again.
So, it was beating my head against the wall, hoping to transform it into a door. It was, trying to quit smoking in exactly the same way and still going to the Pub, in hope of a different outcome. It’s the same with drinking, if you quit and you still try and do the same lifestyle, you’ll beating your head against the wall.
You are performing the same thing, you’re doing the same behaviour, you’re trying to live the same lifestyle but hoping for a different outcome. Hoping all of a sudden, the cravings won’t appear. Your drinking buddies are all there drinking, but you’re not, you are drinking water but hoping and saying ‘Well yeah, I can handle it for ever.’ It just doesn’t happen like that.
How do you get out of this one? How do you get out of making the same mistake of repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again? You have to understand where you went wrong. You have to understand what you’re doing wrong, what you’re saying wrong, what’s happened in your life that has caused you to fail and most the time, to do this, you’ve got to break these things down.
When you’re learning any skill, you’ve got to break it down into smaller and smaller chunks and the smaller chunks you can make, the more understandable it is, the more open you’re going to be to seeing what went wrong. If you try and look at the big picture sometimes, you can’t see what went wrong, because you’re looking to see things at such a height, so you’ve got to zoom in on the problem.
Let’s take for instance cravings. There are many different areas in your life where you’re going to get cravings. So, you have to break that down first, so you have to say, I get cravings when I’m out, I get cravings when I’m tired, I get cravings when I’m grumpy, I get cravings when I’m at home.
So, take your cravings when you’re at home and you say what happens when I get cravings at home, what is the next thing that happens. So, if you say, I get cravings at home and I immediately go to the fridge and get a can of beer, because I can’t stand the cravings. That’s telling you something right. What the fuck are you doing with Beers in your fridge when you’re trying to quit drinking. So, get rid of the beers.
Or you might say, when I’m getting cravings at home, I start thinking a certain way and then that thinking barrels out of control and I find myself walking down the road and going to the off license and buying beers and like I’ve said before, there’s plenty of opportunities down that road, to start talking yourself out of it, and if you can, then break it down even further.
I’m getting cravings at home at night time, what happens then. Or I’m getting cravings at home on a Saturday or a Sunday when I’m off work, or I’m getting cravings at home when I’m bored. These are all separate things. Cravings at home when you’re bored is different from cravings when you’re bored. When you bored is a big broad thing. It’s like looking at something at thirty thousand feet and you have to break it down and say I am bored in a certain situation with certain people or whatever, break them down to that level.
You can take this same logical approach to anything that you’re doing in life. When you’ve quit drinking, when you’re trying to build a new life for yourself, break down the things that you want to learn. Start from the high forty thousand foot view where you’re saying I want to make new friends and build a life that is outside of alcohol and how am I going to do that and then you break that down into smaller and smaller chunks and you isolate those chunks and work on those chunks.
Do the same thing, when you’re planning something and your trying to reach your goals? You take your end goal and you break it down into smaller and smaller chunks and you work on the smaller goals and if they’re too difficult, if they’re taking too long, you break those small chunks down into even smaller chunks and work on those.
Progress is a great motivator. Once you get momentum and you gain momentum in your life, it’s a lot easier to push yourself forward to gain more momentum and get self confidence in yourself. To get self confidence in your own abilities. Getting the self confidence in your new life and realising that your new life is better than your old life, that this new life – where you’re not damaging yourself – is a lot better than your old life.
I’ll leave it there. If you want to support the channel go on over to http://www.patreon.com/AlcoholMastery and you can make a donation as small as two euros. You can also go over to the website, we’ve got plenty of courses over there for quitting drinking alcohol. Step by step courses on how to quit drinking alcohol, how to prepare to quit drinking alcohol and how to relax and destress, once you’ve quit alcohol.
We’ve also a new course coming out soon, that sort of encourages people to quit drinking for 30 days and try it on for size. If you’re afraid to step across that line and you have any fear about it at all, then try it on for thirty days. Quit drinking for thirty days and see that the result is. Thirty days is not long. So, that’s coming out soon. If you’re watching this a year after it’s out, then it’s out already and it’s already on the website.
Until next time…
Keep the Alchohol out of your Mouth
Onwards and Upwards!
I have quit drinking on three occasions now. The first time was five years ago and I went 18 months without drink, got fit, lost four stone and felt wonderful. My problem is that I actually find it easy to stop. No cravings, but I don’t understand why I start again ? It’s like my mind is telling me it’s OK now, you can just have the one, or maybe at social occasions. I got down to 13 stone from over 17 in around nine months without too much problem and now I am eighteen stone, have osteoarthritis in my knees so walking is not quite as easy as it used to be. The interesting thing is that I have some pain when I walk, but it never gets worse which I suppose is good.
I am starting to watch your videos regularly now and took the decision to stop drinking as from today. Any help you can give me will be well received..
I am 69 year old widow. Took to drinking when my soulmate passed away. My total life revolves around drinking and I don’t want it to be like that but I am to weak to change it. I have three lovely sons and your grandchildren who I adore but feel I am losing them. Help me please xxx
My mother is about your age and also lost her lifelong partner, my father, years ago. They drank wine conistently throughout their marriage and to this day my mother can’t but help continue drinking even when the doctor has warned her against it. The only reason she can’t stop is because she dosn’t want to. She hasn’t explored non-drinking people or activities enough and maintains that she has her cohol “under control.”. Meanwhile, she goes in and out of depression, boredom, and loneliness as though on a roller coaster. She turns to wine more often than not to assuage pain, but of course, when the short-term buzz and nostalgia wear off, she feels worse.
I recommend picking some tooics if interest in Kevin’s free videos here or audio versions on itunes. I also highly recommend downloading his first book, How to Stop Drinking Alcohol and listening to that. I used to think I could “miderate” my drinking, like my mother, but after reading/listening to this book I woke up, took responsibility for myself, and ended my perpetual hell. It’s been over 8 mos now and I feel great! You can do this Jeanette. I wish my mother would. I absolutely know she feels and looks better when she’s not drinking. Use this site and Kevin’s talks as reinforcement, on TV or iPod, whenever, wherever — ideally on a nice walk in fresh air outdoors. Change is hard and uncomfortable, but treat yourself well and take a step towards a new phase of your wonderfully important life by stopping poidoning your system with alcohol. Feeling healthy and whole again begins here and now!
Best of luck to you Jeanette!
(San Mateo, CA, US)