Today, I want to talk about focus and where you aim to be in life.
I’m trying to get people to stop focusing on the alcohol.
That’s one of the big problems with people who are trying to stop drinking, they’re all the time focused backwards on the alcohol, on quitting alcohol, on the symptoms that quitting alcohol is going to bring, focusing on other people who are drinking alcohol.
If you’re trying to get rid of something in your life, you can’t focus your mind on that.
If you don’t want something in your life, you don’t focus your mind on what you don’t want.
It just doesn’t make any sense.
You wouldn’t do it in any other area of your life.
What you focus on, expands
what you put your attention on is where you’re going to go, that’s where your mind is going to go, that’s what you’re conjuring pictures of in your head.
They always say, never tell somebody ‘’don’t spill the milk, don’t slam the door, don’t shout’’, always say ‘’be careful with the milk, can you close the door quietly? Can you keep your voice down?’’
Because, when you focus people’s attention on what they shouldn’t do, that’s what they get the pictures in their mind of.
It’s exactly the same with alcohol. If you focus your mind on the thing that you don’t want in your life, on the booze, if what you’re telling yourself is ‘’well, I don’t want to drink anymore’’, then all you’re focusing on is the booze.
All you’re going to get is more booze.
HAVE A GOAL.
Helen Keller said
‘’If you focus your attention on the sunshine, you won’t see the shadow’’
Same thing here.
Turn your back on the alcohol and face the goal that you want to achieve in your life, the target in your life, the thing that you want.
And if you don’t have that kind of stuff, you should because everyone should have a goal.
I think that’s one of the biggest reasons that I’ve been successful in this thing, it’s because I’ve all the time focused on a new life ahead of me.
I didn’t know it at the time.
When I first stopped drinking, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.
I didn’t know where I was going to be in 2 months’ time, or 6 months’ time, or a year.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to drink anymore.
I didn’t want to encourage my son, that was my biggest motivation.
But what I always saw with myself was my son coming to me and going ‘’Dad, I’m proud of what you’ve done, I’m proud you’re a non-drinker’’.
I want him to stop drinking, I want him to stop smoking, but you can’t force these things on people, you know?
You’re better off being a soft, gentle influencer than a bully, trying to force your own opinions on other people;
you just can’t do that.
It’s not going to work, because as soon as you stop the forcing, you stop the stick approach, it doesn’t work anymore.
I think you just mess up people by doing that kind of stuff anyway.
I’m more into the carer approach, especially for the things that I want people to do.
Their lives are not about what I want them to do, it’s about what they want to do.
They’ve got the same opportunities in life, the same chances in life, the same choices.
I’m just sorry I influenced a lot of my son’s choices when he was younger, but there’s nothing I can do.
I can influence him now.
I’ve never tried to stop him from smoking by force.
I’ve always said I didn’t think he should smoke, and I’ve always tried to talk to him about the dangers of smoking, and all that kind of stuff, but I was smoking myself.
How could I do that when I was smoking myself; how could I do that, when I was drinking myself?
It’s just impossible.
You can’t influence somebody to do something that you’re not willing to do for yourself.
That’s my ultimate goal, as far as Sean is concerned, is to see him not drinking; to see him looking after himself, looking after his health, not drinking, not smoking, getting exercise, eating the right foods, and bit by bit, it’s influencing him.
I’m having a good influence on him.
I think you influence people, you show them a different way of doing things, and they might just start to think a little bit differently.
Often, that’s all it takes, for somebody to start thinking a bit differently, and then they start to see things that they wouldn’t have otherwise seen.
This is part of your brain called the reticular activating system, it’s part of the older part of your brain.
It’s the part that’s responsible for, say you’re buying a new car and you’ve got your heart set on a Volkswagen Beetle, and you all of a sudden say ‘’this is the type of car that I want to buy’’, you start seeing this car all over the place.
Or if you’ve just bought a car, you start seeing that particular brand all over the place.
That’s the basic thing that this part of your brain does.
It’s also responsible for when you spark something in somebody else’s mind, and then they start to open themselves up to evidence of that thing that you’re trying to influence them to if you know what I mean.
Hopefully that was understandable.
STOP DRINKING NOW.
you can’t focus your mind on something that you don’t know about; if all you know is alcohol then that’s what you’re going to focus on.
That’s what I’m here to do, to try and focus your mind away from it, and focus it on something else.
If you don’t quit today, then maybe you’ll quit tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year.
But like I say,
there is no time like the present.
The more you put this kind of thing off, the more power you give to it in the future.
You’re never going to get stronger in the future, that’s just not the way things work.
Strength comes from action in the moment, not tomorrow, because action tomorrow is just wishy-washy, it’s just nothing.
There is no action tomorrow, there is only action now
Stop drinking now, you can only do this now.
And like I said previously, if you don’t stop of your own volition, then somebody else is going to influence your decision to stop.
It’s going to be out of your hand, somebody else will say ‘’sorry to tell you this, but you’ve got a problem’’.
That was my nightmare; going to a doctor and him going ‘’sorry to tell you this, but you’ve drunk too much, your liver is messed up’’.
I had a doctor who would’ve said that to me; in no uncertain terms.
He would have told me ‘’this is what’s wrong with your liver, it’s messed up. If you don’t stop doing this now, this is what’s going to happen to you”
That’s a sad thing when you have the opportunity now, you have the chance, you have the choice to do it.
The choice is always yours.
The decision is always yours.
The choice of what you’re going to focus your mind on is always yours.
When you’re focusing on good things in your life, on the positive things in life, you’re focusing away from alcohol and looking into your future and on to the goals that you want to achieve in your life.
Leave alcohol behind you.
Drop it like a ton of red hot bricks.
I have to tell you this one: there’s an American marine who has just got through his first year.
I’m not going to say his name, because I don’t know if he wants me to or not.
He’s a really nice guy and I’ve been talking to him through emails and whatnot for a while now.
He sent me a video of a wide Atlantic beach, and he was there with his coat on.
He had a hoodie on and he had superman hat on, and he had a backpack with a cape on it.
I thought it was so cool, and he explained to me why he had it.
Big army guy, and he had a dog, I think it was a shih tzu but he said it was a pit-bull in disguise.
Anyway he explained the situation to me, he said ‘’I’m wearing the superman hat and the cape on my backpack because it’s a year today since I dropped my kryptonite’’.
And I thought, ‘’what a really great way to look at dropping alcohol’’, it was just such a brilliant analogy.
That’s the thing that stops us from being who we’re meant to be, it’s the alcohol.
We pick it up when we’re kids, and we don’t realise what the heck it is, and it’s our kryptonite, it’s the thing that stops us from being Superman.
What you focus on is what you get.
This American army man, he’s told me a lot of stories of all the things that he has achieved because he quit drinking.
He quit drinking in surroundings which…I know a lot of army guys: American, English; and squaddies, as they’re known in England are heavy-drinking people, and they have a code of being men.
So, for you to stand up and say ‘’I’m not drinking anymore’’, that takes balls.
It takes guts and it takes real focus.
Looking away from where you are, and pointing yourself doggedly towards the thing that you want to be, that’s what this video is about.
Focus on what you want to be.
Forget about the Kryptonite, forget about the crap, forget about the thing that’s holding you back, the elastic band that is pulling you back to your old life.
Your old life is gone, it makes no difference; your old life is history.
You get to change yourself at every moment.
Every step forward you take in your life is a chance and an opportunity to change direction.
Focus your mind on the future, away from the past.
Do all the thinking that you can about your future.
The more you look at the sunshine, the less you see the shadows.
If that’s the message I can deliver today, then my job is done.
If you’ve got any questions, comments or concerns about the video, go on up to the website and sign up for the newsletter.
SHIFT YOUR FOCUS FROM THE PAST TO THE FUTURE.
Until next time…
Onwards and Upwards!
Inspirational and motivational.
Like this one a lot. Because as you’ve said in previous videos about the time we have wasted drinking and the free time we’ll have when we stop I’m now starting to focus on personal challenge not quite sure what it will consist of yet but it will be something to do with my physical fitness
Focus on the future, not on the past, in everything you do 🙂
Great video Kevin. One of the best. ‘The more you look at the sunshine, the more you don’t see the shadows.’ Genius.
Thank you for this video. When I watched it I was half into a glass of wine, continuing a several day streak. I was contemplating a reason I could come up with to go to the store and get more. But, the part about setting a goal and thinking about the future (not the past), made me really think. I dumped the test of the glass and went walking instead. You gave me hope when I was down, thank you!
This was your best video yet,not that I didn’t enjoy the rest but this one is me .when four o’clock comes my focus is on wine.it seems to be all I think about.the weather is nice now. Now I must focus on getting out in the evening and do more walking.i really need to take care of my body instead. Thanks for the videos . I do listen to them
I loved the comment about the sunshine and the marine story.
Focus is the way forward. Just a question, what kind of fruit growing trees are in the background?
Thank you great video..
Inspiring as usual. Thank you for all you do.
Amazing video today. Love the superman story, I am going to make that one of my positive thoughts each day. Don’t pick up the Kryptonite! Keep up the good work. You are an inspiration.
Yes, was a great story…
The craving hits hard on days off from work, when I’m sitting around. Wish I was back at work. It’s my safe place. Or asleep. Need to get out! Have no friends calling. JC
As you say John, you need to get out. stop sitting and thinking.
I have been thinking about stopping drinking for a long time but I was afraid to try. AA has always seemed like such a stupid idea to me. Let’s all get together as often as we can and wallow in our terrible situation. Brilliant idea …… bullshit. How despressing is that. It’s enough to drive you to drink lol
I can’t exactly remember how I stumbled upon your series but it doesn’t matter. The point is, I did and found an instant connection.
You have inspired me in ways you will never know. Your positivity and attitude has totally changed my mind set.
Every single video I watch is like visiting with a friend. Your approach is simple, straightforward and nonjudgmental.. you make me think about what I want and not all the shit I’ve been dragging around my whole life.
I’ve screwed up plenty of times in my life but why focus on that. I probably still mess up but I won’t let it slow me down When I relive it my mind can’t distinguish between then and now so in essence I’m just repeating every screw up I made.
Now I think about what I want. Good thing about that is that when I relax, close my eyes and think of laying on a sunny beach, listening to the roar of the surf, my mind doesn’t know that I’m not really there. It’s a free vacation anytime I want.
Today you told the Superman story. Wow. What a powerful story. I was laughing ? but it is so true. I think I will use it as one of my affirmations. Inspiring.
I know you must get thousands of emails so I don’t really expect a response. I just wanted you to know what a positive influence you have become to me.
I’m so glad that you have found the site and that you are focusing on your future instead of your past. The much better place to be. The Superman story was one of my favourites as well.
“When I relive it my mind can’t distinguish between then and now so in essence I’m just repeating every screw up I made”
This so hit home for me, hence my crazy “drink to forget” habit. I am now working on my “forget to drink” habit.
Thank you for sharing-
Thank you Kevin for your time and honesty-
hi kevin, just like to say I have a 14yr old daughter and 3 older kids, they all said they are proud of me for giving up the alcohol, so I hope I’m a inspiration on them, as u are to me, and love the superman story too, thanks
You will be Pete,I wish I had given up on my son was young… But, hey ho, that’s the way things go 🙂 good luck to you
Love this video… You got me googling~ Reticular activating system.
I love when you speak science. Your videos have encouraged me to
move onwards and upwards. (I get it)
Have a Great Day !
Love the superman/ kryptonite analogy. And I APPRECIATE these Videos! Thank you KEVIN!!!
Kevin – I have been listening to your videos for the three weeks I have been ALcohol free! I love your down to earth style and honesty. In one recent video you started to go down a path on Trump and nuclear codes….just don’t! Stay out of the politics it dilutes your message, which is so strong and helpful.