Will your social life suffer after you’ve quit drinking alcohol?
Your social life is completely under your control. You are a full grown human being, and if you have to ask the question “Will your social life suffer when you quit drinking alcohol?” then you will also need to answer the question, because you are the only one who can answer it.
My own opinion is that if you try to live the same life and pursue the same social life that you were pursuing before quitting alcohol, then if that social life used to evolve around alcohol then – you’re going to have problems. It’s something that you have to figure out in your own mind.
Before I stopped drinking alcohol, my social life was going to the Pub or watching Matches – it was based on going to the Pub, that was the basic thing. I used to love going to the Pub and the rituals and habit of going to the Pub would kick in soon as I stopped working in the evening.
Sometimes I didn’t go to the Pub, but I would still want to go, even though I actually didn’t.
On the nights, I did go to the Pub, I would start out drinking two or three pints, four pints, then graduate on to five pints, six, that kind of thing and some nights I would just stay in the Pub until closing time. I couldn’t do anything and would only roughly know how much alcohol was consumed only by the lack of money in my pocket or bank account.
In Ireland, you had to pay for each round as they came up. I’m sure they had tabs in certain Bars but I never asked for a tab. I didn’t want that sort of danger because it meant you could go over your tab and they would say “It’s alright pay me tomorrow” which is the way I believe most drug dealers work. We’ll give you the stuff now and you can pay later and then when later comes you want more stuff but you have to pay for the stuff that you already had and deal with the consequences to that.
My point is that there are some parts of your social life and relationships, that can continue and there are also some parts that you can’t.
I continued going to the Pub to watch Football for instance, but I didn’t go to the Pub to just sit there having conversations with people, after I had stopped drinking, because of the simple reason the other person was getting drunk and I wasn’t.
It wasn’t that I cared what they were doing to their bodies. It’s none of my business what they do or put into their bodies but the conversation would go somewhere where I didn’t want it to go. I was a sober person who was not drinking alcohol and they’re drinking – it’s just the way of it.
The connection dissipates and sort of gets wider and wider and you know when somebody is under the influence of alcohol they find things funny that aren’t to those that are sober.
At the end of the day you’re the one who has the responsibility to change your own life. You are the Author of you own life story and the author of what you do every single day. If you want to live a good life you have to plan the things that you want to do, otherwise the things that you want to do get lost in the craziness of life.
It’s very easy to just get off track, even when you have good plans and stuff. A lot of your friends will try and convince you to go back on the drink – “What are you doing, you know, you fool. Go back and have a Pint, sure, there’s nothing wrong with a Pint is there you know?”
There’s everything wrong with a fucking pint. It’s the reason why I stopped doing it in the first place, the reason why I stopped doing it, because there’s everything wrong with drinking a pint.
You know Albert Einstein said that you can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that caused it and it’s the same thing that goes with your environment:
you cannot solve a problem in the environment that caused it.
you can’t solve a problem with the same bullshit mentality that caused it.
you can’t solve the problem in your life whilst hanging around with the same people who caused it.
You’ve got to change certain things in your life. There are some things that are much harder to let go of and there are some things that you will find much more difficult to part with, but in order to move forwards in life you sometimes have to part with things.
It’s like having a Kid with a soother, a pacifier, where they have a dummy in their life. At a certain time in a Child’s life he’s got to get rid of the dummy because if he doesn’t, it’s just going to look wrong. You can’t move forwards without doing that. There are certain times in a child’s life when they have to get rid of the nappy, they’ve got to get out of the pushchair and walk on their own two feet.
It’s the same with this – in order to get rid of the alcohol in your life you’ve got to get rid of certain other things in your life.
So, what’s the end result in all this?
I’m four years into this now and I feel like I’ve got fewer friends in my life, my social life has contracted, but I am far happier. Why? Because I do so many different things with the friends that I’ve got now where I with my old friends we just used to drink, that was our thing.
I did other things with some of my old friends, for example one of my buddies and I used to travel around a bit. We went to several different places including Prague one Christmas, but it always evolved around drinking. My abiding memory of the whole of the time in Prague was walking behind my buddy, we were going from one Pub to another, following the leader. We sat in one Pub and had a few drinks and then you know continued.
When you are sober with sober people you make better connections, you’re better connected, there is nothing that is distancing you from yourself. If you have a conversation with a drunken person, you can tell – it’s a one sided conversation.
It’s something you can’t know unless you’ve actually done it, been there and come out the other side and you know what the opposite effect is. It is difficult in the beginning when you’re talking to sober people. You have to have something you want to talk about for a start and you have to have things that you want to connect to people with, but it is difficult because you’re used to doing things a different way.
You’re used to doing things under the influence of alcohol period and it’s difficult to push your mind in a different direction. It’s difficult to open yourself up to people in that way, in the stark reality of life, but again it all comes down to how you do this and how you think about it.
You have to think about it positively. If you allow negatively in, just once, into these things, like social relationships and your social life in general then it’s very easy to slip back into the old way of doing things, because it’s an easy thing to do. It’s easy to step back into that old world.
My life was so much simpler with alcohol, but I don’t want a simple life. I don’t want that kind of life. My life was boring. You can talk about boredom being without alcohol but my life was just boring all the time with alcohol, because I was doing the same things and talking to the same people about the same shite. Most of the time you’re basically talking to yourself, you might as well be talking to a brick wall.
So, going back to the question – “Is your social life going to change after you quit drinking alcohol?” All I can wish you is that I hope it does change for you because if it does it will change for the better.
When you’re sociable with people without drugs – when you’re not taking a drug – it’s a much more socially rewarding, fulfilling experience. You get a lot more out of your relationships when you’re not drinking. Do I think that every person that you socialise with has to be a tee totaller or not drink? No. It is my life choice not to drink and not to put that stuff inside my body because I know the effects it has on me, end of story.
I do care for my friends and wish that they didn’t do this to themselves. I wish that my Partner and my Son didn’t drink any alcohol. I like to think that I’m a calming influence around people so that they don’t drink as much around me as they would have done, but, I just like to think that, whether that’s true or not I don’t know.
At the end of the day I feel that my relationships in general, both inside and outside my family, have improved greatly. Mostly because of my perspective on things and mostly because I want them to improve and I put a lot more of my time and effort into relationships then I would have done before.
Drinking is a very selfish thing to do. Drinking alcohol is a selfish thing to do because the more you drink the more you get into yourself. End of story.
I hope you enjoyed that and found something of use in the video, if you have any comments at all leave them down below along with any questions or suggestions about videos that you’d like to see.
Come on over to the website we’ve a whole load of stuff over there for you, if you’re trying to quit drinking or if you’re going through the process of changing your lifestyle. There’s a lot of different stuff including a lot of different courses and we’re going to be doing a whole pile of different courses, this year, on a lot of different subjects, just step by step stuff on how to bring you through these things from my perspective.
I hope that they help you and if you find any help in these videos you will definitely find help in the courses because they are a lot more channelled and focused towards trying to change your mind, your focus and your outlook.
We’ve also got the daily newsletter and the Facebook Group so there is a lot of stuff available and a lot of plans to add more stuff and more helpful information and projects, during the course of this year.
Until next time…
Stay safe, keep the alcohol out of your mouth,
Take care of yourself.
Onwards and Upwards!