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If You’re Afraid of What Others Think – Look at What They’re Doing

by | Stop Drinking Alcohol | 9 comments

Today I just wanted to talk about people being afraid of what other people think about them right. Social pressure and all this kind of stuff. Fear of what other people are going to think when you quit drinking, or when you change to, to doing a weird diet or something, you know. Anything that you’re doing for yourself that’s going to better you.

If you’re afraid of doing what, it because of what other people think then just take a look at what they’re doing in their own lives and choose your critics wisely. I think it was Alan Sugar who said that, somebody like that anyway. I think a lot of people have said it over the years.

Especially when you’re thinking about quitting drinking. When somebody says to you – “What you are doing? What! Are you Mad? What do you do for fun? What do you do for this? You know, oh! one drinks not going to harm you.” This is not doing to do you any good you know. Look at them. These are people who are deliberately, consistently, putting alcohol, a toxin, a poison, a very harmful poison, into their body, time after time, after time, after time.

And then sitting there saying “What do you mean? You’re not having fun!” I tell you now four years later, there is no fun in it! It’s a fucking delusion. It’s just a bullshit delusion that people have been fostering on each year for fucking years.

I’ve never had so much fun in my life. I’ve never done so many things. I’ve never felt so good about myself. So, full of self confidence, than I have in the last few years, because I’ve done that, because I’ve stopped drinking. Because I’ve stopped putting this poison into my system and poisoning my system. Ah! just madness!

You know, I’m out here, seven O’clock in the morning, haven’t had a hangover in four years and I feel great, you know. Every morning, I get up now, I feel good. I don’t feel great every morning. Sometimes, I feel crappy because whenever, whatever, life happens you know. But for the best part I feel great.

You know when you hear people talking to you like this and trying to convince to you do what they want you to do. Don’t take the bait. These people are in the midst of something and they don’t want to see other people doing better, because they’re stuck in something that they don’t want to do themselves.

They might think – “Oh well, this is a good life and stuff like that.” – but they don’t think that in the morning. You know they hide all these feelings the next time they go out for drink. You know, if you thought well, every morning I’m going to get up with a hangover, but tonight I’m having fun you know.

Underneath it all, that’s what they’re thinking. Underneath it all they’ve got this knowledge, that following the rains, there’s always going to be the flood, that kind of mentality, you know. Don’t take the bait.

I mean look at this in both the short term and the long term right. I’m talking about short term gratification, right? We’re all into that, these days. We’re all into trying to get our buzz on now, trying to get the magic pill – we want happiness, now right?

I mean, I’m on the happiness pill now, you know. Short term gratification, talk about this, you know. Go out and walk fourteen, fifteen kilometres, wherever you life. I happen to live here, so I can go up into the mountain, but wherever you live there’s somewhere where you can go, where you can get out walking.

I mean, in the onwards and upwards, group. I see so many different photographs going by, of what people are doing when they stop drinking. You know, they’re sending in pictures, posting pictures of – “I’m out here today!” “I’m doing this today” “I’m doing that today” “I feel great!”

It’s just like, that’s it, that’s the buzz. Regardless of where you are getting your buzz from. It’s a natural buzz, it’s a free buzz. It’s something that’s not killing you, it’s adding to your life, you know, adding to your feelings.

But even if, think about it in the short term right. You know, as a non drinker, I get up every morning, every single morning, without a hangover, right? I get up every single morning, feeling good. As I said don’t feel great some mornings, but get up most mornings, feeling good, you know, feeling good about the day ahead.

Most drinkers, get up feeling at least sluggish, because they’ve been drinking the night before – at least sluggish, right? If not hungover and the hangover like I said before, is just a word for alcohol poisoning.

And then they go through the day and they have the alcohol withdrawal. And either they succumb to it that night, or they succumb to it the next day or the next day, right? But eventually they will succumb to it, because they’re having alcohol withdrawal. They get the alcohol withdrawal. And the alcohol withdrawal, phycological alcohol withdraw mostly.

And, think about this in the long-term. You know what’s going to happen in the long run. Ten years down the line where are you going to be. Four years down the line, I’m in a fucking, whole heap, much better situation, than I was four years ago.

I feel so much better about my life, I’ve done so much with my life, I’m achieving so much in my life now that I wasn’t achieving before. I was going backwards.

So, imagine where I’m going to be ten years down the line. Anyone who’s quit drinking and posted, you know, sent me an email. And I get loads of them, right, I’m getting emails from people who have quit drinking and I’m getting an email, after a year or two years. And they say Gees, I can’t believe how much more my life is different now, you know, for the better. All the time for the better.

No one has ever sent me an email – ever, right? After a year and said “yeah, my life is worse than what it was a year go” I even get emails from people after a month and say – “Well, do you know, you know I find it very difficult, you know, or I’m finding this difficult or that difficult.” But once they push past that, and they push onwards a little bit, they find that things start improving, you know.

This is only short-term; it takes a few months before the whole habit disappears and this is where people find a lot of problems is in the first month or so. The habit’s still there, you know, it’s still in the background. You might have got over a few of the kinks and the daily routine and stuff, but you know, the habits still there.

And you know, the life style is still there, so you have to change a lot of the lift style, but after a year, I’ve never had anyone say to me – “yeah, this is, you know, I wish I was back on the booze, you know!” No one says that, it’s always – “I can’t believe how much, how good my life is now.”

Think about then years down the line, for you, personally if you’re off the drink. Think about ten years down the line, when you don’t drink. If I think from when I was forty back to when I was thirty. In those ten years, I probably put on more than likely about a hundred pound in weight, because of alcohol, because of the lifestyle. I mean, I had a fairly active job, but I still put the weight on, because of the amount of alcohol I was drinking.

The amount of shit that I put myself through and other people through in my life because of the amount that I was drinking. And that just increased over ten years. So, if I look, if I didn’t stop at forty-seven, what I would be like, or forty-six – what would I be like at fifty-six, six years’ time down the road. I can’t imagine what I would have been like, you know. If I would have been alive?

I could see myself the way I was going and the amount of alcohol that I was putting inside my body, that I would have been dead, in, you know, ten years from then. That was my fear. I woke up sometimes during the night, thinking that I was going to have a heart attack, there and then in the bed, that I wasn’t going to make it and really shitting myself scared sort of thing, you know, really scared and frightened.

And I don’t feel that any more, you know. I feel like if, I was saying to my Brother recently, he says – “How long would you like to live for?” I said – “As long as possible, you know. If you want to target, about one hundred, you know.” He goes “Oh well, I’ll` go one hundred and twenty”.

He drinks a little bit, he doesn’t drink much, but he’s a Vegan and he looks after himself, he runs and he does a lot of stuff like that, you know? And he’s going one hundred and twenty. So, I said – “yeah that’s not a bad target. I’ll think I’ll change to one hundred and twenty, actually, I’ll do one hundred and thirty, you know, because I don’t drink anymore and you drink, so I’m going to add another ten years onto my life because of that.”

And he was sort of …. My Sister quit as well, lately, she’s off it a month, and she said she’d never felt so good and this is for me, she was a little worry for me, she was my younger Sister. And she was always a little worry because she could pack it away, you know. And she was proud of it as well. Which is a different story isn’t it – it’s one of those things. But anyway, I’m getting totally off.

But look at short term and long term. Look at the benefits of the short term, versus the long term, both in terms of quitting drinking and not quitting drinking. You’ll see that there’s no, you know, yeah. For somebody that hasn’t quit drinking, I think, it’s easy to say, well short term benefits – “Yeah I get a buzz out of it.” – and you can’t see past that you know.

But once you get off and you’re off it for a month, two months, three months, you’ll start to get experience and you’ll start to see the benefits, you know and this is when, this is the beauty of this thing, your body adapts very quickly to new circumstances, new situations. Your mind adapts the more freedom you give your mind, the more chance there is of your mind developing new things to do.

Right I’m bored here today; I don’t know what to do. Maybe the first day you can’t think of anything to do. Maybe the second you can’t. Maybe the second week, you’ll still there, sitting there, thinking I’m bored. But eventually your mind will come up with stuff to do. Because simply that we’re human doings, as Wayne used to say, instead of human beings. We’re not meant to be here to be, we’re meant to be here to do, you know.

I know it’s sort of a sickly quote, but it’s true you know. We’re action orientated and don’t ever think that you’re depriving yourself of anything, you know by quitting drinking alcohol. You’re not depriving yourself at all. People who are drinking are depriving themselves.

They’re the ones that are depriving themselves of life. Of opportunity, of health. Of relationships, apart from people who drink, you know. Fellow drug users, is the only thing that, that, people like you can hang around with. Because they’re the only people that understand you’re type of drinking you know. Deprivation.

The amount of times, I’ve felt so deprived, you know, by stopping drinking alcohol and now I understand, it wasn’t anything to do with the alcohol, drinking the alcohol, it was, that was the problem was, you know, drinking alcohol was depriving me, getting the short term, benefits or the short term buzz.

There was no benefit in that, just a feeling you know. Like a childish thing, I want it now. I want to be feeling good now. Getting that buzz, just feeling that buzz, has just deprived me of so much in my life, so, that’s another thing. So, think about the amount of people that are in hospital now. I think one Doctor said it was in the ninety, ninety per cent or something like that, I can’t remember, but it’s very high, the amount of people who are in Hospital, because of what they’ve done to themselves. Wow! You know.

Through alcohol, through smoking, through lack of exercise, through what they’re putting into their bodies, you know nutrition. It all contributes to bad health and worsening health the older you get and the obvious hospital stays, you know one of these days you’re not going to come out of hospital because of that kind of stuff. I want to go in my bed, because of old age, not because of something I’ve done to myself of long-term life suicide, suicide by mouth – nasty!

It all boils down to the old saying that old habits die hard and it’s true. It takes hard work to kill old habits, right the older the habit, the more work you’ve got to put into over the long-term, to sort of kill it, to get rid it.

But it’s well worth it and if you’re not willing to put in the hard work, then, there’s nothing more I can say to you. There’s nothing more I can do, nothing more anyone can do for you, because you are the one that has to be put in the hard work. Nobody is going to do it for you. You can hire somebody to do the press ups for you, but that’s not going to make you fit.

So, look that’s it for today, remember, just if you hear other people talking to you and saying to you, you know like, what are you doing, you know? This is not good for you.

You know what’s good for you right. You know that quitting drink is good for you. You know putting good fuel into your body is good for you. Getting out and getting into the fresh air and breathing, getting your heart rate up, whatever that means, you know.

Exercise is a stupid word, but you know, moving, getting out and moving, getting your blood flowing you know, getting your lymph flowing. It’s all things that you can do for yourself.

If you don’t do that, then, if you listen to other people, then you’ve got nobody else to blame but yourself. Don’t listen to it. It’s all bullshit. It’s people trying to force their own issues onto you, try to say to you – “oh you shouldn’t do this”, because they don’t want anyone else to be good in their lives, when somebody else can’t, you know. I can’t think.

“Only surround yourself with people who will lift you higher”

Until next time…
Stay Safe
Keep the Alcohol out of Your Mouth,
Keep the Bullshit out of your Head
Take Care
Good Luck
Onwards and Upwards!

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  1. Stephen

    Hi Kevin,

    I’d love to hear your views/comments on binge drinking.
    I don’t mean just say, Friday and Saturday night but maybe for 10-14 days at a time on perhaps a bottle a day plus some beer. I’ve done that and occasionally still do.

    I keep off the booze for weeks/months at a time then one day along comes an uncontrollable urge to go for a drink. That uncontrollable urge will last for 10-14 days then I will be had enough for another few months.

    Needless to say I’m buggered for about two weeks before I feel reasonably well enough to join the world again. But at 64 it does get harder and harder to cope.

    • Kevin O'Hara

      Any binge drinking is dangerous Stephen. When I used to drink, I would drink almost every day, but particularly binge out on the weekends. I never really drank spirits, maybe a sip every so often, so I can’t comment on that type of heavy drinker, except to say that it’s very dodgy stuff. I think it’s the most dangerous type of drinking. Putting your body through that amount of alcohol for 10 to 14 days can be life-threatening. It certainly not good.

  2. Craig Fawcett

    G’day Kevin,
    Once again thanks very much for your videos, l have something to ask you, how do think of something to come up with everyday?

    Keep up the great work,

    Craig, Melbourne, Vic. Australia.

    • Kevin O'Hara

      Thanks Craig. I read a shitload of stuff. I’ve been a big reader for as long as I could read. I get into trouble for it sometimes, but it’s one of the things in life which gives me great pleasure. I also take a lot of notes, hence the ideas for videos 🙂

  3. ronnie

    Great vid thanks kev .what were those wierd tunnels on your walk ?

    • Kevin O'Hara

      They’re part of the irrigation system for the surrounding farms

  4. Mick

    Great video Kevin. I suffered for a while with depression. This sounds like a bad thing but, it was a very good thing because my doctor sent me for some cognitive therapy. Basically how to not let negative thoughts create negative feelings. Since I stopped drinking I have found these techniques work even better. I am sure they can be used to stop feelings of envy or feelings of missing out, feelings the alcohol drinkers will try to bestow on a none drinker in his early days of being off the piss. (I love it when a poor sap drinker tries that now)

    How to have no envy and be happy without doing anything, this does work, but it can be a bit counter intuitive at first. But once its a habit its fantastic.

    It simply comes down to really understanding the following. What you have is a strategy to be happy now, not a plan to be happy later, yes that means now with all your problems, none of them fixed, you can feel pretty good, operate more efficiently and merrily go about getting your shit done. This is not happy clappy crap. Being miserable is the sad crap, the so unnecessary crap.

    Whenever you attach conditions to your happiness you wont experience it. The same mental process that attaches your happiness to a specific outcome will only repeat that pattern once that outcome is obtained. The key is your commitment to happiness itself, this allows you to let go of all your preconditions.

    You say to yourself no matter how difficult things are I am going to practice the mental process that leads to my happiness. You are not your thoughts, but just like breathing you can forget your thinking, this is bad. Your thinking will always come back to you as feelings. This is a very powerful bit of knowledge and can be instantly transformational.

    Your thoughts create your emotions, understanding that fact is the key to escaping unhappiness or envy or any negative emotion . If you understand your thoughts are not real, you get a great sense of instant relief. Yes they are real thoughts but thats not the same as concrete reality. eg Yes the football game was lost, that happened. Yes your wife ran off with the milk man, that happened. But you thinking about it is just a thought, its not real. if you supported the other team, your thought would be different.

    Because your thoughts are so close to you, its easy to forget you are using your own thoughts against yourself. You are the maker of your own thoughts, you are doing the thinking that is upsetting you. You can frighten or depress yourself with your own thoughts if you don’t realize that you, not the event is doing it you can easily make yourself dam right miserable.

    If you spend lots of time dwelling on your problems, rehearsing potential problems, talking about your problems, you will become an expert on your problems, an expert at describing your problems but not an expert on fixing them, you will depressed or low in spirit, by all means acknowledge a problem and commit to solving it, but don’t keep thinking about it. The only thing holding your depression or sense of missing out in place is your thinking. Resist trying to think your way out of depression or your sense of missing out and you will be out of it very quick.

    This is not about putting your head in the sand. You can have goals and plan, you can have problems and steps to fix them if possible.

    Its about dismissing any thoughts that don’t contribute to your mental well being (your happiness) A happy you is a place inside yourself where you can rest and be yourself. From here your intuition will solve your problems far better than the stressed out you could ever think your way out. You don’t need to ponder on your problems or your envy, it does not help. A positive you will help and also be happy because its only your own thoughts that cause the envy or unhappiness, your thoughts are not you. The real you is a place inside yourself where you can just be. This is not a monk in a cave, its just a man who uses his thoughts as a tool and his instincts to know what to do. Try if for a few hours.

  5. ronnie

    Very good Mick your so right we are not our thoughts ,we constantly torture ourselves with thoughts about this and that ,what will happen if etc,
    Another great video Kev im going to save this one thanks .Ronnie

  6. Robert

    Good vid, my 50 th is coming up it has the potential to derail my progress , oh what to do?


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