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Dating After Stopping Using Alcohol| How Would I Approach Dating Now?

by | Stop Drinking Alcohol | 4 comments

How do you go about finding a date once you stop drinking alcohol?

Today, I got a question which said ‘how do I go about finding a date once I’ve stopped drinking alcohol?’

It’s the first time I’ve been asked for dating advice.

Even my son never asked me for dating advice.

No one has ever asked me for dating advice so this is a first.

I’ll tell you where I am on this.

I’m not in that position to be looking for a date.

I’ve not done it in a long time.

If I had to do it again, this is what I’d do:

I certainly wouldn’t be looking for somebody who was a drinker.

That’s me.

I’d be looking for a certain type of person.

It wouldn’t be based on the looks, it’d be based more on the lifestyle than anything else and what’s in their head.

I wouldn’t be looking in the pub, that’s for sure.

I wouldn’t be looking in a church because that’s not my type of thing.

I’d be looking in walking groups, I’d be looking maybe to try and learn something new.

Basically you have to find out the lifestyle that you want to lead.

This is your new life.

Your new way of doing things.

You’re looking for a partner.

You’re looking for someone who is going to share this life.

So, you want to find someone who shares the traits that you want to bring into your life even if you haven’t brought them into your life up until this stage.

Look for those people who are doing those things.

My brother was always taking the piss and going ‘if you want to learn Spanish, you’ve got to get a Spanish girlfriend’

I said my Dutch girlfriend is not going to be happy about that, is she?

But the principle is there.

If you want to learn a language and you’re not going out with anyone, then it’s a good idea to try and find someone who is speaking that language.

I’m struggling here.

All I can talk about is what I would do if I was in that position.

That’s what I’d do.

I’d be going on Facebook looking for local groups that I could join.

I’d be looking up forums, the local town hall.

Looking for activities where you can meet people.

Don’t go to the pub.

If you’re looking for a drinker then that’s where you’re going to find that person.

I’m not saying anything about that person themselves, it’s all the drinkers that I’ve ever known.

Most of the drinkers that I’ve ever known are lovely people but they’re drinkers.

I don’t hang around with drinkers anymore because that’s not what I do.

If the people that I know or the people I hang around with drink, that’s a different thing.

But it’s not the reason why I hang around with them.

It’s the same thing if I was looking for somebody now.

I’d be looking for someone who was vegan.

Because it makes my life easier.

That’s pure and simple.

That’s the only dating advice I can give you, is to look at this as a long term view.

You never know, you could end up meeting them once, or you could end up falling in love and wanting them for the rest of your life so you want to start out as you mean to go on.

That’s it.

That’s all I can say.

If you have any questions or comments.

If there’s anyone out there who has any suggestions for this guy, then please leave them down below in the comment section because there are people who have got a lot more intuition about this than I have.

So, please leave them down below and help someone out.

If you’ve come off the internet watching this video, then please do go down below into the comment section.

Because I’ve said it, there will be a lot more people who will put their own suggestions down below.

Until next time, stay safe, keep the alcohol out of your mouth. I hope you find love.


Until next time…
Onwards and Upwards!

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  1. Lisa

    If you want to be positive don’t hang with negative people. If you want to be thin don’t work at McDonald’s. If you want to be sober then don’t be around alcohol. I can go on and on. Get it?

  2. Rosaline Callaghan

    Hi Kevin,

    I loved this post. I could feel your nerves as if you had been asked to explain the birds and the bees 🙂

    I am single and 56 so no dating expert either, but I certainly agree with you to not go looking in the pubs. It took me quite a while to recreate a social life for myself and I was so nervous in the beginning. My last years of drinking were just me and the booze in one room of my “home.”

    Some of the ways I have successfully met people, some led to dates and others to friendships are :

    Check out http://www.meetup.com in your area. It’s free and I use this every time I travel. Met some great people and had some fun times in Boston last year. In fact, one of the people in the group had a boat and had Irish ancestors, of course, so took me out on the boat and I actually sailed the Mystic River.

    There’s no harm in joining an online dating site. I haven’t met my love but enjoyed some nice nights out and the others are the fuel for funny stories. There are all sorts out there!

    I go to lots of language learning weekends. They are usually quite cheap. I go to Oideas Gael in Donegal and they also have photography and painting classes and hill walking weekends and weeks. Look out for places like this in your local area. PLaces that are not expensive but group oriented so you don’t feel too lonely.

    Also, I volunteered at a music festival here in Derry last year and met people from all over the world. Again, I did not meet my darling but had lots of fun looking and at this stage of my life I appreciate good company and the activities have sort of “socialised” me again as years of talking to myself in a drunken haze hadn’t exactly sharpened the social skills.

    One of my fondest memories was dating a man 13 years younger than me for a year so there’s life in the old dog yet!

    Above all, be easy on yourself. Such critical voices most drinkers have.

    So, just some ideas from me. It has been far less scary getting out there and dating than I thought it would be. The biggest fears were all in my head. They were fantasy.

    All the best Kevin to you and your readers.


    • Kevin O'Hara

      Thanks Rosaline. Some would call you a cradle snatcher, lol. My father was 11 older than my mum. It’s good either way, I think. If it clicks, what does it matter the age.


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