When you’ve got a fear in life.
When fear is stopping you from doing something.
The first task should be, defining what that fear is.
Uncovering, what exactly it is that you’re afraid of.
When you’re quitting booze there’re many fears.
I had loads of these fears.
Everyone has them.
Everyone’s fears are going to be different.
Some slightly different.
Some are going to have, wide ranging fears.
No two people are going to have the same type of feeling either inside them about certain things.
Some of those fears might be fear of missing out on parties or missing out on entertainment or missing out on fun or whatever.
Fear of failure.
Getting to a stage where you’ve put a lot of effort into doing something.
And you get to a point in it where you just can’t continue and you can’t overcome the craving.
Many of those fears are founded based on previous experience.
Maybe you’ve tried to quit drinking in the past and it hasn’t worked out for you.
You’ve gone through many different iterations of this in the past and each time you failed.
It’s one of the biggest road blocks that you can come across; that this fear builds up a fear of its own.
It just attenuates that fear and it makes a mountain out of molehill sort of thing.
It is always why I always try and tell people to learn as much as they can from the mistake and don’t take it as a failure.
Get back up as soon as you can.
If you do have a drink, don’t take it as there being something wrong with you.
That you can’t get through this.
To actually think about yourself.
Think about the journey.
Think about what you’ve done wrong.
Don’t go all out and go “well, yeah. I’ve had a drink now so I might as well just go all out and get pissed and carry on going on back to the life that I was.”
If you do that than It’s never going to work.
Its common sense, isn’t it?
One of the best ways of overcoming fear from the start is to try and figure out what’s the worst case scenario
What’s the worst thing that can happen?
If you look at the worst case scenario of quitting drinking.
Obviously, the worst thing that can happen is that you start drinking again, right?
And you go back to the situation that you were in before.
As I’ve said before.
This isn’t true for most people.
If you’ve gone for a week – even a week – without drinking alcohol, you’re in a better position than you were before you started.
Because you have a week’s worth of alcohol which hasn’t gone into your body.
At the very least this is what’s happened. This is what you can take from your week off alcohol.
If you’ve gone a month, you’ve experienced a full month without alcohol.
That’s one of the biggest road blocks in the beginning.
People don’t know what to expect.
They don’t know what it’s like not to drink.
Once you’ve gone for a month without having alcohol.
You know you’ve gone through four weekends.
You’ve gone through four full work weeks and gone into the weekends.
You know what it’s like not to drink now.
Even if you only do it for a week.
You’ve gone through a full work week and you’ve gone through a weekend.
So you’ve got a little bit of experience behind you.
The more you don’t drink alcohol the more experience you’ve got.
If you take a drink, if that worst case scenario comes around
You take a drink, for whatever reason.
Don’t beat yourself up over it.
Stop after that drink or if you can’t stop and you go for the whole night, stop the next day.
Question where you were.
Listen to what’s happened before.
What forced you to do this?
What the process was in your mind?
What did you feel in your body?
Who were you with?
What were the events that led you up to taking that drink?
Think about it that, as I said before, you’ve got a full month or a full week or whatever it is, distance behind you of not putting the poison into your body.
So you’re never back at square one again.
You’re at day thirty, minus the day that you’ve done.
It’s this thing when we get stuck into it and we start counting the days.
We’re going I’m thirty days, four hours, five minutes and thirty-six seconds off the alcohol.
Some people do that, especially in the beginning.
It’s a natural thing to do in the beginning.
I’m not suggesting that it’s not.
It puts you into this mind-set that, you know, “I’m at day thirty-one now.”
“Oh shit, I had a mistake last night and I drank two beers with my mate and now I’m back to day zero.”
You’re not back to day zero at all.
You’re on day thirty-one.
You had a mistake but, you know we count these days as if you make a mistake then it brings you back to day one again.
This is not Groundhog Day we’re living at.
Imagine if you lived your life like this.
Imagine if every time you made a mistake you went back to day one in real life.
You would never get past, fucking day one.
You’d all the time be back to that baby that was just soaking wet and wrinkly and just come out of your Mum.
It’s not the way life works.
If you are on day thirty and you have a mistake, you have a little mishap.
Then you’re still on day thirty.
You just don’t count that day.
If you are going to count days.
It doesn’t make any difference in the long run.
Because you’ve gone thirty days without alcohol, that’s the whole point.
Now let me give you an example of another area of life
Let’s say that you decided that you want to change your diet.
You wanted to change your diet.
I’m not talking about going on a diet.
Something that you are going to go off once you’ve reached a certain weight level.
Let’s say that you decide that from now on you’re not going to eat processed foods.
You are doing this for a lifestyle choice.
This is going to be something that you’re going to continue to do, forever.
Now let’s say you get into these thirty days and you go “yeah, thirty days since I ate processed food.”
On day thirty-one you go to a party and at that party, there is hardly any food that you would normally eat.
It’s all party food.
All processed shite.
And you are saying to yourself “oh for fuck’s sake! I can’t eat any of this stuff.”
But you don’t want to go.
So the more you get into the party, the hungrier you get.
Eventually, you give in.
You have a piece of cake or something.
You have something that is not really part of your new lifestyle.
Do you say to yourself “right that’s it I’m back to square one now?”
You wouldn’t say that to yourself.
You’d say “right it’s a blip on the map and I’m still going to carry on with this journey.”
Even if you were doing it for weight loss.
Say that you wanted to lose sixty pounds.
Same scenario, you’re thirty days into it, or say you are thirty pounds into it.
You’ve really been pushing yourself to stay strict to your new guidelines, to your new diet.
You’re in the same party and you are getting hungry and the foods are not there that you are supposed to eat.
And you take a bite of pizza, and you take another piece of pizza, and you take a third piece, and you take a fourth piece, and by the time you’ve finished – you’re stuffed.
But you have eaten all the wrong foods.
Do you say to yourself – “That’s it! I’m back to where I started”?
No, it’s impossible.
You can’t do that.
You might put on a pound in weight but you’re not going to put on the whole thirty pounds because you just did one day.
It is the same thinking that you have to get, in this instance.
One mistake is not going to bring you back to the beginning.
That one binge of pizza isn’t going to load you back up with all those pounds again.
Nor it is going to bring you back to the state of mind that you were in before.
That one drink is not going to bring you back to that state of mind that you were in thirty days ago.
It’s just impossible.
Because you’ve gone through all these experiences up to now.
I can’t even remember what this video is about.
Overcoming fear and seeing what your worst case scenario is
You have to define what your worst case scenario is.
Then accept that worst case scenario.
So you say “well the worst case scenario is if I do have a drink I’m going to back to square one” – in my mind – or not – “I’m going to be back to the day before I started and I’m going to think about it and I’m going to learn about it and I’m going to move on.”
If you can do that, then you immediately reduce the stress that is associated with that fear.
If you can, first of all, define the fear.
Define what the fear is.
Find out what it is that you’re fearful off.
What in the future is stopping you from doing this.
Then take that fear and go.
“Well if the fear happens, what is the worst case scenario in this situation?”
Then accept the worst case scenario and go “Right, well I accept that.”
The stress is reduced.
Now I can move on.
You either move on to the next fear and address the next fear in exactly the same way.
Or you move on to step across the starting line.
Take all your fears out of the way.
You will find yourself moving along with a lot more freedom.
And you will find that the things that happened, the things that you feared to be the case.
You’re now going to have in your mind as being that’s not going to happen.
Your brain will automatically start figuring out, little ways to sidestep this or sidestep that and work your way around these worse case scenarios so these worse case scenarios, don’t actually happen.
The biggest thing you can do now is, as I said in a previous video, is to step across the starting line and adjust along the way.
You can’t figure out exactly what’s going to happen to you
It’s just impossible to know.
What’s going to happen, ten minutes down the road here?
I don’t know, I could walk down the road and there could be a load of horses in the way.
I could walk down the road and there could be an earthquake.
I could walk down the road and it could start thundering.
You know it’s a clear blue sky at the moment but God knows what’s going to happen in ten minutes’ time.
The world is a crazy place.
You just don’t know what is going to happen down the road.
You don’t know what’s going to happen ten minutes into the future.
Five minutes into the future.
Thirty seconds into the future.
So how can you know what’s going to happen, a week, a month, a year down the road?
You can try and predict it as much as you can by planning and trying to stick to that plan as much as you possibly can.
You can focus your mind, on outcomes.
You can focus your mind on the present and just try and move yourself forwards gradually, step by step, which is the only way we can do things.
You can try and develop a freedom of mind which accepts things as they happen.
Fears are all in the head.
There’s no such things as a fear outside of your body.
You’re the one and the only one who can define your fears.
You’re the only one who can figure out what the worst case scenario is.
You’re the only one who can accept that worst case scenario.
You’re the only one who can deal with it.
Your mind will go through all these iterations if you let it.
It’s all about self-direction.
It’s all about moving yourself forwards in the direction of your choosing.
Not of anyone else’s.
And your only way you do this is to learn day by day how to do it.
I can give you, tips and tricks that I use on myself.
You can listen to many other people, on the techniques that they use on their themselves.
At the end of the day, these are the things that you have to develop around your own way of doing things.
Your own mind.
Your own thinking.
Your own way of living.
So I’ll shut it down there.
If you have any questions about this at all, come on over to the website, or leave them down on YouTube.
I’ll get around to them.
If you’ve got any comments.
This is a big community here.
We’re trying to help each other out, as much as possible.
I think – maybe in making the videos – I think one of the most important parts of this whole process is the comment section.
I think people learn a lot more from the comments – from your comments – than they would ever do from me yaggering on and going on and on in these videos.
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“Confront your fears, list them, get to know them and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead” – Jerry Gillies
Until next time…
Have a Great Day.
Keep the alcohol out of your system.
Onwards and Upwards!