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Behavior Change is Scary – Create a Firm Foundation of Safety

by | Stop Drinking Alcohol | 1 comment

Today, I want to talk about behaviour change and the way it can scare some people.

It is scary to come out of your comfort zone, to push yourself into areas that you’re not at all comfortable with, that are unknown to you.

This is all scary.

We don’t like to push our frontiers, basically.

We like to stay within the things that we know.

I’m going to give you one tip that I learned from a guy called Eben Pagan.

He was saying that in order for us to grow, we have to evolve as people.

We have to step outside our comfort zones, we have to embrace the fear, embrace the change and move forward that way.

But, whenever you’re doing something new, it’s going to be scary.

One way of overcoming this is to have a security blanket, a safe place, a safe haven where you can come back to at the end of the day.

It’s a bit like the extrovert and the introvert.

I’m an introvert by nature, most of the time.

I think you’re prone to be one or the other, so I’m prone to be more introvert than extrovert.

What that means for me is that I burn energy very quickly when I’m with a lot of other people, or noise or all that kind of stuff, and I gain my energy back by being on my own, by being in my own environment and doing my own things.

That’s how I gain my energy back.

An extrovert is the opposite.

They burn energy when they’re on their own and gain it back when they are in the company of other people.

So, my place of security is my home and specifically my office.

I’ve got a dungeon, it’s the basement of our house and that’s where I do all my work.

I have a couch in there, I have all my books, I have everything that I need for recuperating and building up my energy levels again.

So one thing that Pagan suggested was taking the one place in your house where we are evolutionarily, we are prone to make this place the safest, and that’s your bedroom.

Obviously when you’re going to sleep 7 or 8 hours a night, and you’re unconscious, you need to be in a safe environment.

So, what he was saying was to make your bedroom as safe as you can.

Have it as the place where you go to recharge your batteries to feel secure.

If you can make this the safest possible, take all the TVs out, your mobile phones and whatever it is that is going to take away from that safety aspect even it’s only a mental safety aspect.

When you go into that part of your house and recharge your batteries, you’ll be a lot more capable of dealing with life, of dealing with changes that are inevitable and that are part of your new process of quitting drinking.

So, you’re right back in your bedroom and just crashing out, as I normally used to do.

I’d get into bed and go comatose.

My bed actually turned out to be a place of panic, because when I got into bed and I was already falling asleep, 2 or 3 hours later, I’d wake up again.

The consequences of my drinking were starting to kick in.

The hangovers would be there.

I’ve talked about this before.

My heart would be pounding in my chest and on one or two occasions, I felt like that was it.

This was the end.

There was no more of this for me.

So, what should have been a safety zone for me ended up being my nightmare.

I’d get out of bed and my night was finished.

I couldn’t go to bed without having a drink because I couldn’t go to sleep.

I’d be lying there, just thinking about all the reasons why I couldn’t sleep, and Jesus Christ, I need a drink, if I have a drink now, I’ll be able to go to sleep.

Such bullshit.

This was supposed to be the place of serenity, of relaxation.

Once you stop drinking, you should have this place.

Build it up, make it as comfortable as you possibly can.

Get big, thick duvets inside so you make it as comfortable as you want.

You can snuggle in there.

Whatever it is that makes it easy for you, and secure for you.

Don’t worry about sleeping in the first few days.

If you can’t sleep, then you just have to accept that.

It’s just part and parcel of the discomfort that you have to go through.

But, accept that.

Accept the discomfort.

Push through it.

If you’re tired for a few days, then so what?

It’s good for you.

You might be walking through life like a zombie for a few days, but then as you gradually go through this, you’ll find that the sleep will come.

You’ll get proper sleep for once in your life.

I can’t remember when I was getting good sleep before I stopped drinking.


It was always this comatose sleep, and I always felt tired in the morning.

Now I get great sleep.

Every morning when I get up and go, I remember the night before.

No problems sleeping now.

The only problem I have is that the older you get, the more you have to go to the toilet.

That’s a pain in the arse, but what can you do?

It’s part of life.

Just a silly one today.

It’s something that I heard Pagan talking about and thought it’d be a nice thing to talk about today.

That’s it really.


Until next time…
Onwards and Upwards!

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1 Comment

  1. joe

    thanks for your honesty.I stopped drinking ovér 45 days ago with your help.I was not an alcoholic. but I would drink a little every day and alot on the weekends . it never did any good for me so l listened to you and i took that poison out of my life.


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