I’m Kevin O’Hara for alcoholmastery.com and today’s video is An Interpretation of A Lifetime of Drunkeness From the Other Side. By other side, I mean now that my mind has been clear of intoxication for two and a half years.
I have had a lot of time to think about how alcohol works. I have a much deeper understanding of the part alcohol played in my life and how it’s playing out in our society. So I wanted to do a little retrospective today, taking a look back at an interpretation of my 30 year relationship with alcohol.
I started drinking when I was a naive teenager, following the herd, doing what the big boys were doing, doing what my parents, and teachers, and doctors were also doing. I continued to drink alcohol for over 30 years. Over those years, I gradually drank more and more as the alcohol’s effect on my body diminished. I never thought about my drinking as addiction, it was a way of life.
Throughout all those years, my biological system always had my back. My body was only reacting to the poison I was chugging, acting in my defense. In the beginning, this biological reaction manifested itself enough to make me ill each time I drank. My body would force me onto my knees with my head stuffed into the toilet bowl, feeling like I was going to die, the bathroom spinning around my head, and vomit flying out of my gob. It’s a clear and unambiguous sign that something is very wrong. It doesn’t take a genius to work out the cause. When you’re in the middle of this torture it’s easy to moan to yourself – Never Again!
As a side note, if your body didn’t react in this way, if your defense system decided that it wanted to take the night off, death would happen within 12 to 24 hours.
Back to my body. As I said, it doesn’t take a genius to work out why your body is having this reaction. Some people say they are allergic to alcohol. That’s a bit like saying that they are allergic to arsenic. However, genius or not, I knew what had provoked my body into such a violent reaction and I kept coming back for more, and more, and more. Then because of this relentless effort on my part, my body started to reduce the effects of the alcohol. So when I drank, I didn’t feel sick, or feel the world spinning. I didn’t even feel very drunk any more if I consumed the same amount of beer.
Of course, the intention of my body wasn’t that I should drink more of the stuff. The intention was just to protect me. By reducing the effects of the alcohol, my body was assuming that this intake of alcohol was unavoidable and arranging that I could function in life regardless of the poison that I was delivering upon myself.
The problem was there was a complete disconnect between my mind and my body. My body didn’t understand my motivations. It didn’t realize why I was drinking in the first place. The disconnect was in not understanding the powerful outside influences that were behind those drinking motivations. It hadn’t got a clue about the propaganda that swept away all my doubts and drove my impulsive behavior despite the torture of the day after. My body didn’t understand that I was encouraged to poison myself by the very people who should have known better, those who I trusted to guide me through the darkness and teach me the right lessons for a good life. My body didn’t understand that I drank because I wanted buzz, that I liked the wobbly, giddy feeling that being poisoned gave me. I remember I used to enjoy being spun very fast on a playground roundabout, a carousel, that was until I fell off and cracked my head on the concrete floor… there were no soft landings in those days.
All these years I didn’t realize my body was just protecting me. My body didn’t know I actually enjoyed the turmoil I was causing. So for over 30 years, my brain was at odds with my body, both pulling in completely opposite directions.
Finally, through the fog, through everything that was happening in my life, all the consequences to in my world, and to the people who I loved, I realized what my body was trying to tell me all along.
Stop swallowing this poison, it’s killing you!
By that stage, I was drinking almost every day, habitually. Was I going to suffer for the rest of my life because I couldn’t have any more of this poison? The genius in me finally worked out that I had built a bad habit of drinking a poisonous liquid that was slowly killing me. I hadn’t realized that every time I flung my body into turmoil, aka feeling the buzz, I was suffering from alcohol poisoning.
If I stopped the flow, the poisoning would stop, the turmoil would stop, and my brain and body could get back into sync.
From the other side, two and a half years later, my brain and body have been reconnected. I feel like I’m able to have another go at life. I like to believe that second chances are there because I wasn’t really ready the first time. I won’t be wasting it, I don’t need a third.
Click the like if you got something out of this video and thanks for watching
I’m Kevin O’Hara for alcoholmastery.com
Onwards and Upwards