Alcohol Destroys Relationships- Stop Drinking Alcohol for Relationship Reasons(Transcript)
Hi, how are you doing, I’m Kevin O’Hara for Alcohol Mastery and today I’m going to be talking about, Alcohol Destroys Relationships- Stop Drinking Alcohol for Relationship Reasons .
Drinking is a Very Selfish Thing
You have to ask yourself how can you give the most to your relationships when you’re drinking, how can you be sociable.
Everybody always says, it’s a very sociable thing, people drink for sociable reasons. But if you think about drinking, heavy drinking or any addiction, it’s a very inward looking thing, it’s a very selfish thing, people drink for the wrong reasons.
When people drink, for whatever reason, it’s all about altering your perceptions; it’s about trying to get yourself into another state of mind.
Drinking is a Very Selfish Thing
People talk about alcohol being sociable, but if you’ve ever spent any time, any time when you haven’t been drinking with somebody who is drinking, you’ll see that it’s not very sociable at all, it’s all about them. It’s about how drunk they are or how sober they are, how much they want another drink and what they think, and hot much they love you. You know, a very selfish thing.
The Alcohol Love Hate Relationship
In terms of relationships, there’s a love hate relationship with alcohol.
I think anyone who’s been drinking alcohol for a long time realises that, at the end of the day, there’s just not something, something that’s just not right about the way we’re drinking, the problems that it’s causing in our lives.
And in our relationships, even the people who are the closest to us won’t actually come out, for the most part won’t come out, and tell you directly that they think your drinking habit has got a bit out of control, but they will tell you with their emotions.
Hardwired with a Bullshit Detector
I think human beings are very, very good at reading each other’s emotions, reading body language, reading facial expressions, reading tone of voice.
There have been a few people talking about this over the years… that we’ve only been using the spoken language for a very short space of time in evolutionary terms, relatively speaking.
And even now we only communicate – there are different views on this – between 7% and 35% are the figures that some people have put on the amount that we communicate through words.
The rest of it is through just a gut feel for how a person is looking, what you think just by looking at a person, the feelings that you are getting off them.
Winning Back Trust
We pick up a lot of these non-verbal signals that people are concerned about our drinking and I think that affects the whole relationship thing.
Even when we stop drinking it does change…your view of other people and people’s views of you… it changes gradually. People generally take a long time, even your closest allies… Your closest friends and your closest family will take a long time before they change your opinion of you, before they lose their suspicions.
Especially if they’ve heard it all before!
Let’s face it, drunks are not the most honest people around!
I’ve lied my arse off because of drink.
I’ve lied about the length of time that I’ve been drinking.
I’ve lied about the amount I’ve drank in a session, even to myself.
I’ve lied about whether I’m going to go out drinking that day.
I’ve just lied about everything!
it’s almost like you’re having an affair. It’s the same sort of thing where you’ve sort of got to keep tabs on yourself and it’s impossible to do.
It’s Not Living, Just Existing!
It’s just a nasty bad way of living!
But the great thing is that people do start to trust you again.
For me personally, it was when people stopped asking me “Are you drinking tonight”, “Are you going to be drinking when we’re away” or “Are you going to go back to drinking at Christmas”… I was asked this 6months ago.
And then people just tend to assume that you’re part of the non-drinking crowd and you’re not going to drink.
And that’s when I think you really start getting your trust back.
Who Am I Now?
You stop being the drunk and the person who is going to get drunk. I don’t know what people’s views of me were, I couldn’t tell you, but now I’m not that person anymore.
I’m a dad again, first and foremost.
I’m a partner.
I’m a brother.
I’m a son.
I’m a friend.
I’m all those things now instead of being the drunk.
I love that!!!!
It Takes Two to Tango!
I think everyone should remember also that, a relationship is between 2 people, even if it’s a big group. I know there’s a group dynamic about how everyone sort of gets on with each other, but the group dynamics still come down to individual relationships within the group, individual relationships between 2 people within the group.
It’s your relationship with the other person, it’s how you get on with them, and how they get on with you, and the interaction, and all that kind of stuff. but the thing is that you can’t be responsible for anyone else and that’s regardless of who that person is, even if it’s your kids.
They have their own thoughts, they have their own feelings, and that’s just the way it is.
Be the Best Person You Can Be… For You
It boils down to you being the best person that you can be, for yourself… not for anyone else.
If you’re on the path of being the best person that you want to be, then that’s surely going to improve your relationships.
And if people have got a problem with that then, it’s their problem, it’s not yours.
You can only do your best!
What’s Your Definition?
At the end of the day, when you do quit drinking, you have more time on your hands, you have more brain capacity, you can think more about your relationships and how you can improve them from your side, what you can do to make your relationships with other people better, that’s your angle, that’s what is your responsibility to do, nothing else.
It’s you who can redefine who you are and only you who can redefine who you are.
Onwards and Upwards On Your Terms!
Like I say, I’m now the father I want to be, and brother I want to be, I’m the son I want to be, I’m the person I want to be.
And if that’s not good enough for other people, like I say, it’s their problem. It’s not mine.
That’s the only way that I think you can live your life and be sane because you never know what other people want and what other people want, could change from one minute to the next minute, so you’re busy trying to become this person that you think somebody else wants you to become…that you presume. and you don’t even know if that is true or not.
It could be just whim on their part.
Then they change the way they view you and you’ve to start all over again.
That’s no way to live.
So, you live for yourself, you try and make yourself the best person that you can be.
And that’s it. Period!
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Until next time, I’m Kevin O’Hara for Alcohol Mastery, Onwards and Upwards!