This is about when I look back on some of the stuff that I’ve done in my life, especially throughout all those years of drinking…
When you’re hiding from yourself in that way, you’re sort of trying to disappear from yourself, from leaving from your problems, or whatever it is, with alcohol. A lot of the time, you don’t see what’s happening, you’re in the middle of something, it’s like you can’t see the forest because and you’re in the middle of it, kind of thing. And I think that’s a lot to do with when I look back on my old life, and I start seeing my relationships, I realize how many relationships I’ve burned through, especially in the earlier phases, and I was lucky to find some of the relationships that I had, in spite of my drinking.
So think when you’re younger, it’s easier to make friends with non drinkers, right? Because you’re not as invested in that idea of you as a drinker, when you get older. Most of my friends were drinkers when I got older, I suppose it’s just because you will evolve into that type of a person. You know, for me looking back, I was rarely a bad drunk, I was always a pretty likable drunk, if anything, I go quiet, and I go into myself, or I get chatty. And you know, I’d be just talking shit, do you know what I mean?
But looking back now at the person I was, from the perspective of if I’m seeing it from another side now, you know, I don’t want to get involved with drinkers because I understand exactly what it is. When I was a drinker, and I look back at that person that it used to be, I can see somebody who was who would be always capable of being really frustrated, inconsistent, that kind of thing. I was notorious for booze, everyone that knew me knew that I was a drinker.
If you invited me out to go on a pub roll, I’d be out there. And that’d be to be no problem. But as I said, you know, that kind of behavior, that thinking causes inconsistency in your own life to us, to you, as a person, and to you moving forwards into you trying to become that better version of yourself. But it’s also frustrating as well. So you’ve got this frustrating circle.
One of the things that I used to say about it, when I stopped drinking alcohol first was one step forward, two steps back. And that seemed to be the theme of myself, of my life as a drinker. We did a video about luck, and how much luck is involved in life, decisions, where you go, and what you do in life. I think, as a drinker, you’re your own worst enemy. And it’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to get involved in anyone with anyone who’s a drinker. Because at the end of the day, when you can’t move forward with yourself, you’re going to try to drag everyone else down.
I’m generalizing here. There’s instances where I’ve made improvements in my life, there’s instances where I had good friends who were not as heavy drinker as me, who didn’t participate the alcohol with me. I have family members who have the ame way, right? So, you know, it is a generalization. I think life is about yourself, you have to look after yourself first. Because if you’re not the person you want to be, then you’re not going to be that good person, for other people.
It’s one of those things about life where it’s also about the relationships that you have, and if you’re on your own, you’re going to be a pretty sad individually, you know, I think the same thing could be said, if you’re only with drinkers, you know, you’re going to be a sad individual as well. Then I was drinking, this stuff used to be about boring, boring conversations, you know, the amount of times I can remember talking about the Guinness. “Jesus Christ should against his grand down the road there”, you know, the guinnesses crap here. You know, they don’t serve good glasses, you know, there’s the kind of horrible, stupid conversation, you know, conversation about the same topics over and over again.
But the same things that were happening in work, you weren’t progressing in life, about the same people, either other drinkers or other people in the bar, the bar staff, whatever, you know, it was always the same conversations. And when you think about it, alcohol is hard on the brain. It’s hard on your brain cells, it dumbs you down, it dumbs you down in the moment when you’re drinking, but it also dumbs you down over time. The more you drink, the dumber you’re going to get. It reduces your mental capacity.
It’s why people get bored with those same stupid conversations. But you’ll find that once people stop, it’s a common theme in the first weeks and months is people are bored, you know, they would be totally bored with the same conversations, they’re bored with the same things that they would do.
Because when you’re anesthetized with a drug, you’re not in reality. So you’re not seeing that same thing. So and then when you stop drinking alcohol, there’s the difficulty of finding new friends, because you know, you’ve got to push yourself outside of your comfort zone in order to do that. And it was certainly difficult for me to find new friends, because it’s easy when you’re a drinker, because you walk into a pub, and you sit down and you start talking to the person next year, you know, there is no non drinking version of that as far as a coffee shop, but it’s weird to start talking to people, at least for me.