Advice for a Hardcore Dysfunctional Mindset

Dysfunctional Mindsets Transcript

This one’s from RyOnion on YouTube:

I am drunk writing this. I caught myself craving alcohol, though I was two weeks sober. I thought, “What will a shot or two hurt?” Now I am drunk a few hours later with college classes to attend soon.

I really do appreciate your help towards others. I need to watch these sober. I will not be a lesser man than I admit. I am a very proud sober man. When I am sober, I don’t think drinking is a big deal or that I have a problem.

Sober, I’m terrified of a life without drinking forever. But drunk, I realize I have a problem. I could get into my family background and my past to why I think and act this way. It’s easier to say the excuse.

I need help stopping. I can’t go to my classes now because I’m too drunk. How can I stop this pride and “wake up?” I clearly need help. What is your advice for this hardcore dysfunctional mindsets to help make sense?

To be honest with you, watch these videos while you’re sober. I don’t think you’re going to retain much information if you watch them while you’re drunk. Second reason is the way you perceive the videos.

I remember when I was drunk I used to do the same things. I’d start thinking about my drinking. Towards the end when I really saw my drinking as a problem, I started looking up videos and going to forums when I was drunk. I just made a fool out of myself.

Seeing Things in Perspective

It’s like what you said in your comment. When you’re sober, you don’t really see things as a problem at all. Another reason for not watching these videos while you’re drunk is you’re going to see things from an emotional perspective.

When you’re thinking about quitting, you’re always contemplating doing it as you need to see things as positively as possible. I’m not one of the people who look at life and say that you have to look at everything positively. There are times when you have to see the negatives, but you have to see the positive side of the negativity.

If you’re watching videos like these when you’re drunk and you’re listening to what I’m saying, there’s a chance that you could start beating yourself up. So you need to sit down and think about your problem when you’re sober. You need to get a realistic grip on things.

Making the Right Decisions and Dealing with Situations

It’s only then that you’re going to be able to make the proper decisions that you need to make. It’s only then that your decisions are going to stick.

I’ve been there where you are, thinking about the pain when I am drinking. One the hangovers wear off, I’ll go back to my normal thinking and think the same thing, “What will a pint or two hurt? It’s not going to hurt at all.”

It’s not about the alcohol. It’s about dealing with situations, whether that situation is just pure boredom, whether it’s socializing, whether it’s fitting in with what everyone else is doing, whether it’s anxiety or pressure.

Alcohol is the tool at the end of the day that people use to fix these problems, but it doesn’t fix anything. It just masks.

Controlling the Alcohol for Long Term Benefits

Young people are the hardest to coach because you’re not feeling the big symptoms. The big damage probably hasn’t been done to your body yet.

Even though you see the problems and you understand that you have these problems, once you sober up very quickly afterwards, you don’t see there’s a problem anymore. Then it’s easy to go back and go wild because you think you can go through this and you can cut down and you can control it.

That is just one of the stages that we all go through. It’s that try and attempt to control the alcohol. It’s the nature of the beast.

A lot of people in their 50s and 60s tend to start controlling alcohol because they have to, not because they see that they have a drink problem but because the symptoms of drinking are getting bad that they have no choice.

My dad was in his late 70s when he stopped. He couldn’t drink as much anyway. His hangovers were just getting bad for him. I think when he did stop, quitting was an easier decision.

You have to look at drinking that’s not going to benefit you in the long run. If you’re skipping classes because you’re getting drunk, then it’s not a good thing.

People say, “I’m a functional alcoholic. I’m successful in my life apparent from this,” yet they still drink until they get drunk four to six days a week. It’s not a question of whether you’re successful despite your drinking. Imagine how much more successful you would be if you didn’t drink at all, if you got alcohol out of life.

It has taken me thirty years to realize that the thing that has been holding me back all these years has been the alcohol, dampening my mind and restricting my thoughts, just messing up my brain and body basically.

For what? It’s getting the gratification immediately, getting what you need in the short term in payment for long term pain. You’ll always pay for the stuff that you’re doing to yourself. Like I said, it has taken me thirty years to realize that all the going out and partying are in the head and in the culture.

Turn things around so that you can live life without alcohol. If you’ve turned all these things to revolve around alcohol, you’re going back to where you were before, not literally or physically but in terms of getting alcohol out of your life.

Better Off without Drinking

Whatever aspect of your life you’re looking at, it’s going to be better without drinking. Take for instance dealing with people. One of my biggest fears is how to socialize when I stop drinking. I don’t know any other way than having a few drinks before I go out. That’s the level that I was at.

If anyone wants to come toe to toe with me now and challenge me why I’m not drinking, trying to defend their normal drinking, bring it on because I’m quite capable of putting up my own defense. I like going out and drinking wine. I like going out and enjoying other people’s company. I love remembering things.

Going back to my holiday in Alicante over the weekend, I remember everything. I didn’t wake up every morning with a dirty hangover like I would have in the past. I didn’t need to break the bank to weed out. It cost me half the amount of what I’ve would have paid for a night out.

Life is good without alcohol. We just presume that the alcohol is the thing that makes life interesting. Life without alcohol is only boring because you make it boring.

Drinking Is Only a Quick Fix

One of the reasons why a lot of people drink is it’s so easy to do, like it’s a fix old solution to any problem. You feel anxious, you have a drink. You feel tired, you have a drink. You feel bored, you have a drink. You go out and you feel insecure, you have a drink. It’s an easy way of doing things.

When you stop drinking, you face these things head on and you have to start thinking about them. Once you do start thinking how you can deal with your problems, you will find solutions which are more geared towards yourself, about what you want in life, and what you need in life instead of the “be all, fix all” solution.

When I go out now, I don’t try to interfere with anyone else’s drinking and I don’t expect anyone else to interfere with my not drinking. If that’s a problem to anyone else, shut up about it because I don’t want to hear it.

I don’t have a problem with it anymore. I don’t have a problem with you drinking. If you want to drink, I feel sorry for you because you’re still in that trap and mentality of thinking that this is a normal thing to do.

I’m not saying that to boast or to say I’m cleverer than you. I wish these are the words that I can say to you now that will make you go, “I get what you mean,” and would turn you to a non-drinker. But there are no words that I can say to do that. So what can you do?

Hardcore Dysfunctional Mindset

You said that you have a hardcore dysfunctional mindset. I don’t agree with that. You’re building up your problem with drinking. Period. That’s the way you should look at it. It’s a simple problem with alcohol that you can solve – you stop drinking. Period.

Then you deal with your life. It’s much better to try to deal with these things when you’re sober, when you’re not poisoning your head, when you’re thinking straight than trying to deal with them when you’re drunk.

Thanks for visiting the site.
Until next time…
Onwards and Upwards!
Kev

Some Previous Posts From Alcohol Mastery

Is Alcohol Affecting Your Relationships?
To Never Drink Again
Alcohol and Infectious Disease

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About The Author

Kevin O'Hara

If you want help quitting drinking alcohol, I recommend you join our Mastermind Coaching Program. Here you will find all the help you need with daily exclusive informative videos, Q&A's, and monthly Roundtables on relevant topics. The Mastermind Coaching Group has many supportive members at various stages of their journey. Here you'll find non-judgemental motivation, support, and accountability. Click here for more information.

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