Stop Drinking Alcohol 54 (Transcript)
How’re you doing?
I’m Kevin O’Hara for Alcohol Mastery. This is Stop Drinking Alcohol 54.
Alcohol Mastery Shorts
To start this week off, I just wanted to talk a little bit about- I’m starting to do a few more videos during the week, just little tiny ones. I come across loads of different stuff when I’m doing my research and reading. They’re not really things that I can make a full video out of. If I was to, I’d be making so many videos, so instead of leaving them out I thought I’d just do some small little one-minute videos and put them up. I’ll be starting to put them up next week and I’d appreciate any feedback about them that I can. The big thumbs-up would be brilliant on YouTube.
We called Alcohol Mastery Shorts, and the pun is intended. The “shorts” – for a long time I used the word “shorts” to mean something completely different, and I’m sort of re-purposing the word. It means that I can still use it, otherwise every time I say “short” it means something to do with alcohol, which I don’t want it to. So, keep an eye out for them and hopefully you’ll enjoy them.
Over on the newsletter I asked, whether or not a forum would be a good idea. I got a mixed bag of responses back. I’m still not sure what I’m gonna do about that so I’ll have to rethink into it some more. I don’t want to go into if I’m gonna do something like that half-cooked. I want to do it properly. All the setting it up is not going to be the difficult thing – there’s a lot of free software out there, so I understand that, but it’s maintaining and monitoring it that I will probably find a bit of difficulty with so…We’ll see what happens anyway.
This week, I wanted to talk a bit about acceptance – about accepting certain things in your life. Some of the things that I’ve had to accept myself in my life include I’m never going to drink again, which – don’t get me wrong – I’m delighted about that. I also have to accept that I’m not as young as I used to be, and depending on how you look at that it could be a help or hindrance.
Sitting Back More and Enjoying the View
In terms of exercise, getting out and exercising, I can’t do as much as I used to. I’d love to go out running. One side of me wants to go out running; the other side is quite thankful that I can’t run anymore, so maybe that’s a blessing in disguise.
I think, as you get older, you tend to use your brain a lot more. In using your brain a lot more, you don’t have to run around like a fucking idiot. Burning up your testosterone – in the male sense, in my own sense – and you lead more of a life where you’re in quiet contemplation; I think is a nice way to put it…pondering on the “vagaries” of life. That’s my Irishness coming out of me there. We used to do it a lot when I drank. It was called putting the worlds aright, but it was just talking shite. Now I think that all our brain-power can be used for much more constructive things in life.
Accepting Damage Done, Taking the Healthy Road
I also have to accept that there is a certain amount of damage that I’ve done in my body and I’m never gonna get away from that. But I don’t have to accept that there is nothing I can do about it .There’s ways of trying to repair the damage. I can’t look inside my brain, I don’t know what that’s like. I can’t look inside my body – I can go and get it checked out, but what’s the point? It is as it is. And I’m now on a life path which is taking me down a healthy road, I’m not drinking anymore, I’m eating more or less really good food, I’m getting loads of exercise, and I’m trying to feed my mind – which is the most important thing to me at the moment – with uplifting stuff.
Really, I’m getting such a buzz out of doing these videos, such a buzz out of helping people and seeing the results, in those emails that are being sent to me and comments on the website and across on YouTube. I think it boils down to that.
Accepting the Wise Old Man into Your Life
Again, you have to accept that your body is going to be less used as you get older and your mind is gonna be more used, but that’s always the way it’s been. “The wise old man” and all that kind of stuff. Hopefully I grow into a wise old man.
There is also a certain coming to terms with the fact that you’re not gonna stay on the planet forever. There’s nothing more I would like at this present moment. If I lived a million years then God knows what it’d be like if you’re a few hundred years down the road. But, the fact is the fact.
Accepting What Will Be or Not Be
I also accept that I accept my own version of what it’s gonna be like. From my own point of view, we only see one side of it. We see the dead person lying down with whatever we knew of them as being alive is obviously gone. It’s a pretty scary thing to see. But I think that there’s no inevitabilities about anything. Like I said, we only see one side of this thing. There’s another word – “death” – which has just got a horrible connotation to it.
But it’s a process. They say that everything is in motion, everything is fluid, everything changes, so to me, that’s one of the other things that does change and it changes for a reason – I don’t know what the reason is, I don’t know what happens after death. It makes no difference. At the end of the day, it’s gonna happen and you have to live your life like it’s not gonna happen tomorrow, like it’s gonna happen in a hundred years. You never know! It’s always been the way it is. Progress…I think people could very well live well into their hundreds by the time we get there. Touch wood!
Accepting the Memory Loss, the Opportunity Cost
Something else that I’ve touched on in previous videos is that I have to accept – and I think anyone who is a heavy drinker has to accept – that I’ve lost thousands and thousands of memories. Memories that I will never get back. And it’s not only the memories of things that have happened, but you’ve also got the opportunity memories. There’s a thing in Economics called the “opportunity cost” – it’s when you spend money on something, the opportunity cost is the other thing that you could’ve spend it on. I think that’s how it goes. All the times that I sat in the pub, drinking, or sat at home drinking, or doing whatever drinking, the opportunity memories are the memories and experiences that I could’ve had, that I didn’t have, because I was drinking. That’s a sad thing – it’s something I have to accept, but on the other side of the coin, it’s something that I also accept will never, ever happen to me again. I’m taking advantage of all my experience now. I’m trying to live as much of my life as I can. I definitely won’t be trying to hide from life anymore.
Another Week Down!
So yeah. That’s acceptance. I’m gonna do another video, digging a bit deeper and putting a bit more flesh onto the idea. I’ll do that later on today; I’ll put it up during the week. That’s Stop Drinking Alcohol 54.
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I’m Kevin O’Hara for Alcohol Mastery.
Onwards and upwards!
Previous Posts That May Help You
Stop Drinking Alcohol Week 51
Stop Drinking Alcohol Week 52
Stop Drinking Alcohol Week 53
Thanks for the very interesting concept about the lost memories & the “opportunity memories”. I can understand that if you have spent time with friends at the pub instead of your family,this would definitely affect how you feel about your drinking. I suppose that we have all different degrees of drinking experiences & also the amounts in the past we have habitually drunk. The money spent on alcohol is such a waste & I often think of this-I count at least $10 for every day I do not drink & it is encouraging if this money is put away & thought about when you become alcohol Free..
I had stopped for 80 days,fell & then I did not drink again for 3 days & then something my Mum said to me brought back some old feelings of not feeling valued or appreciated by my Mother & suddenly I wanted to drink again. I think my main trigger is anger from feeling hurt.
Anyhow, even tho I am not “Alcohol Free” right now, I like to listen to your videos as they give me the inspiration & some very good reasons to try again soon. It also gives me much food for thought. I would like you to,if you can,address the situation of trying to stop drinking when your partner is a drinker too. Do you have any other hints that may help to make it easier for one person to stop drinking,even if their partner is a big drinker?
My own hints are on 1st day- 1st week; stay away from any drinkers,Pubs,Restaurants(anywhere that someone may drink in front of you) totally, if possible & also distract yourself with anything that keeps your mind,hands occupied. e.g I play word games online or sew,read, sleep,walk,etc. I find I have to totally remove bottles/casks etc from my sight if able to & even cover them with something as just seeing them can trigger the craving & thought in me. I find if I count the hours from my last drink it helps also & encourages me to keep going,then it eventually changes to days, Alcohol Free.
The longest I have gone Alcohol free is 18 months & started drinking again only after my Dad died, my son had a Mental Breakdown & another family member mentioned some sexual assault by a family member that the person had never told anyone about–that was the main catalyst as I was very ANGRY at another family member. These 3 devastating things all took place within 6 months, with my Dad dying 1st.
I was able to continue to not drink with the 1st two upsets & then at the end of the 6 months the last thing was the straw that broke this camels back. I look back now & see that each happening was making me more fragile & just when I thought nothing worse could happen,something did & that just finished my resolve as I was a total mess. Hoping to try again soon- I say never give up trying.
Highest regards & keep up the good work. Joey:)
Hi Joey and Keven,
Joey I wanted to share my experience of partnership with another drinker. I tried over and over again to stop drinking while with my partner. We lived together, having our wine almost every night and binge drinking on the weekends about twice a month. After 4 years I had to leave him and the only reason was the drink. I couldn’t quit that way. As day drinkers, the comfortable pattern of sun and beer was something I had to break alone. Today is 29 days alcohol free. And while I still get that little reflex that wants a cold drink in a dark bar, I know that I will never return to that life. I’m too motivated by the progress I have made.
Thanks for your comment Mojowomyn. And congrats on your alcohol free days. Keep it up!
Hey Joey, I’m just off out to do a video on the money I’ve saved from quitting…! I’ve done a video before about dealing with other people who are still drinking. But, I’ll do another one for someone in your home who’s still drinking. Good topic and one that will be close to the hearts of many… I hope you do try again. It’s a massive magnet when life seems like its going down the chute, I’ve been there!
All the best
I was on a good track…then I let a really upsetting call send me off for a couple of days ..now I start over…day 2 already …..I am affected by the words persistence…I need to concentrate on that word n not give myself an excuse…no more…I’m done and just pray that I have not damaged myself too much